The Most Important Morning of My Life:
My Salvation Testimony
It was a Sunday morning--the Sunday right before Easter Sunday, before the the little hand had yet to see the five. I had just put my little baby daughter back to bed after feeding her. I went to the laundry room/bathroom to hide from early risers (our sons) in order to secure a few moments of quiet time with God, reading my Bible and praying.
While I was reading, the Holy Spirit really pulled at my heart to submit my life to Christ. I realized very strongly that I needed to give myself to Him.
A little back track is necessary here. I had, as a child of 9 or 10, prayed a prayer with my Mom and Pastor Doug. Pastor Doug had helped me to pray to receive Christ in my heart. Still, I was not ready yet. I had just asked questions, had them answered by my Mom and Pastor Doug, and, wanted to do the right thing. I followed the right steps and tried hard to believe. I did believe, in fact. The issue was not disobedience. The fact was that I was not ready; God had not yet made my heart ready and called me. I needed the teaching/information I received. After this, I should have just trusted in the Lord's timing to call my heart. Instead, I impatiently pushed ahead, thinking impulsively, "I believe--check; I said the right words--check; I meant the words--check; I love God--check." I needed instead to just let God nurture those thoughts and guide my next steps. Instead of answering my Pastor and Mom's question of 'would I like to be saved?' with a yes, I should have said that I would like to think about it.
Why? The reason is that I was not under conviction. I simply wanted to do what was right and certainly did not want to go to Hell. I wanted to go to Heaven, which was said to be quite wonderful. I should have gone home and spent time talking to God and reading the Bible. I know God would have led my heart to Him in the way I needed. He would have spoke to my heart and mind in the words and ways that I needed. He would have taken the seed of information I had learned from my Pastor Doug and Mom, and watered it and helped it to grow.
Now, back to that Sunday morning in adulthood when my heart was tugged at by the Holy Spirit. Once I realized this need to submit my whole being to Christ, I said yes to the Lord. I did want to follow Him in every way in my daily life from here on out. I cannot explain the strength of that feeling. I was, and am, certain of God's leading in the events that morning. His comfort was so powerful as I carefully made my way, step by cautious step, into our bedroom, which by then was occupied by my husband and some kiddos who had since awakened and crept up onto the bed to bounce around and chat with their Daddy.
I was very conscious of God helping me to make each step into that room. I did not want to upset our history together as a family of two saved parents. I was aware of the shock and disappointment that might bring to my husband--as well as family and friends. But, I knew that I needed to tell about this amazing experience, and honestly, I was so excited inside and full of God's peace and inner solid joy that I wanted to tell about my conversion.
Fortunately, my husband was very supportive, as were quite a few family and friends. A few were confused, which was what I was afraid of. Still, in the midst of that fear being realized, God was there with me, without a doubt--without a moment away from me. In addition, He will be with those who may be confused by my experience and can bring clarity to them. I am grateful for that.
God is there with me still. He allows me even now, a few years later, to continue to grow into whom He wants me to be. I desire for Him to continue to mold me so that He can use me wherever and with whomever He would like to use me.
